Jun 27
How to Find Inner Peace
The pain inside, confusion, irritation, anger, sadness, desire. Wouldn’t be nice if it all disappeared? Wouldn’t be amazing if the only feelings that are present are positive, such as kindness, compassion and happiness? After all, isn’t watching the clouds and the sea the most meaningful activity a person can do? Where is the quick fix?
Well, obviously, the solution to these “problems” is to pretend to be something you are not. Meditation, gratitude, living in the present, time in nature. A classic example of running away from our true intentions.
You have probably noticed by now that here I won’t be actually talking about finding “inner peace”, but rather about how to stop the search for it in order to magnify your life experience. This is mostly a response to the mass produced view on the idea of wholeness.
Romanticizing Inner Peace
The idea of peace as a core condition to the human existence has a very attractive scent. As peace is associated with positivity and well-being, it is not surprising that desiring peace not only feels natural but also necessary the exact same way a peace needs to be sought at all cost during a conflict.
A natural tendency towards comfort and stability combined with popular media portraying a “master” or a “wise old man” who can live in extreme misery / uncomfortable environment and be perfectly content create this image of a person who has “found it”. What that “it” is always completely unclear which adds to the mystery and the appeal. “This person knows something I don’t!”.
Unfortunately, this creates a deep dissatisfaction in the present. While the winds of life blow one way and the other, constantly shifting their direction and speed, we find it difficult to keep our composure and be “calm”. These unrealistic standards that we have set upon ourselves makes us believe that we HAVE to be calm. That we have to mimic our favorite movie characters who keep the same facial expressions or behavior regardless of the circumstances. We see strength in this the exact same way a glorification of death in movies presents heroes accepting their deaths and dying “peacefully”.
To top our media induced imagery of what a peaceful human looks like, going online is basically a non-stop journey of contradictions. There is so much disinformation which causes excessive anxiety and insecurity in our own emotions that we desperately crave a relief. Here is just a small example.
Articles that tell us that breakfast is so important.
- https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/breakfast
- https://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/breakfast-lose-weight
- https://www.rush.edu/news/why-you-should-eat-breakfast
These articles on the other hand makes us doubt our decision
- https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/breakfast
- https://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/breakfast-lose-weight
- https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181126-is-breakfast-good-for-your-health
All of these articles cite studies and research which puts us in a state of confusion. For such a simple thing like having breakfast, we doubt our own emotions and there isn’t a clear answer. You can find millions of other contradictory information. Not to mention how this problem is dramatically more severe when we reach topics of immense complexity, such as politics and economics.
With all of this blowing our minds, it is no wonder why a guy sitting cross-legged on a stone near a river pond “enjoying his time” appeals to us so much. Tension is constantly created around us and we are given no means to alleviate it as all of our actions have to be filtered through the book of societally accepted behaviors. Because our actions are so limited and our emotional expressions being greatly hindered, we see that the most natural and logical solution is to mutilate our inner experience in order to enjoy the vomit surrounding us and companies have not been lazy in their attempts to sell us their product, promising us with their ads that we will finally reach this divine state and the only thing we are missing is their soda can containing the “secret ingredient”.
Anatomy of Inner Peace
There are a number of points to make when examining what inner peace at its core and how it does relate to a person’s experience.
Generally, the phrase refers to that blissful state in which a person is fully emotionally immersed in the environment around and does not have unnecessary tension from thoughts. We as creatures are wired up to constantly pursue this mood as a motivator to satisfy the urges our body has evolved to have. After all, if we didn’t want to quench our thirst or satisfy our hunger we wouldn’t place much importance on the essential mechanisms that perpetuate our own survival and species as a whole.
In this context, inner peace only happens as a result of a relief from some sort of preceding irritation or pain. This temporary sense of pleasure and energy comes as a nervous system reward as to encourage potentially beneficial behavior. Think about the time you had very tight shoes or uncomfortable clothing and the massive relief which you feel when you take them off. A gratification which would not be experienced had you wore comfortable clothes in the first place.
Thus, desire for a uninterrupted inner peace has no realistic basis. Peace only comes as a contrast to war and so is emotional satisfaction to irritation. A continuing dance from one to another is at the essence of an interesting life.
Peace Without the Lie
Emotions and thoughts arise without our consent, whether we like to admit it or not. If you really sit relaxed, you will see that all the experience you are having comes at you without any effort. You see without telling your eyes to look, you smell without telling your nose to scent and if I bop you on the head you will feel the push regardless of your self perceived conscious state.
Having real inner peace can be more honestly looked at as acceptance of this constant flow of change that you have no control over while at the same time gently and graciously guiding these energies in a direction that feels natural. If you are angry, do not try to calm your anger and pretend you didn’t feel it. Going to nature won’t make your anger disappear. Nature is not a honeypot you exploit for self gain. Rather, find a productive way to embody it (eg, exercise, sport, etc.). When you embody the anger fully and let the energy out, you will be rewarded by this state of bliss you seek so much. ( This is what some people refer to as the “runner high”. It is not the tiredness that feels good. Rather, energy is pure bliss and using it fully is how you as a creature are meant to be).
This is applied to all emotions. When you want to cry you cry. When you want to laugh, you laugh. When you are sad, let yourself be sad. When you are afraid, go all the way with the fear. You might feel that this will turn you into a weakling or “unstable person”. Ironically, the exact opposite will happen. When you embody the emotion, you experience it fully and you learn to deal with it. By shying away from it, you never understand nor react on it. This causes stress, anxiety and more importantly chronic insecurity. By continuously moving back and forth, a human learns and adapts.
This is greatly helped by our own biology. Homeostasis forces the body into a state of normality by default. Happy or sad, pleasure or pain there always is a counterforce working to bring your mental experience back to normality. The way your body does this is by bringing the balancing emotions and behaviors upfront. This is why the normal flow of the body is disrupted if these feelings are clenched.
I am not implying here that all the things that are generally recommended ( meditation, nature, etc.) shouldn’t be practiced. In fact, I say that everyone needs these experiences in order to be stable and fulfilled. However, expecting them to do something they are not meant to is damaging. You wouldn’t drink water to remove your hunger and neither would you push down what so desperately wants to go out. Let things happen on their own and always flow with it. This way, inner peace will come to you without even trying.
